he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
as a side note pls kill me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
