I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
