hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
