It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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