Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
