The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
