she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
