So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
