Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Randomize
