I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
