and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
