I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize