omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
