you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
