Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
