She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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