Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
