I like to think it a success when the cops are called
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He did a backflip because drugs
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
