he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
