Sry I called you an 8
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
