i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
