please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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