apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
