boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
