i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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