Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
