youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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