I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
