Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
