the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was born a porn star she said
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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