I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize