How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
