I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize