my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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