He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
