so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
