Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
a search helicopter?!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
