apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
