My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
