He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm both gender and math confused
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
