it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize