Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
