I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize