hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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