I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
