I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
