I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
high people should be assigned attendants
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
