found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
