I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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