so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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