I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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