Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
