Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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