I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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