I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
