Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We left the knife in your bed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
