Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i dont even know how to be here
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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