i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
