one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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