I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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