Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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