I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
