You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
