I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
