She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
As shirtless as possible
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
