Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize