I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
