if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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