You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
