You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just had sex bonerless
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
