no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
