Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize