Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
