So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
