I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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