I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So squirting runs in the family.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
