i just had sex bonerless
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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