we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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