I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
