At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
