booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
