My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
