i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
