You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize