he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you never un-have a 4some
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize