Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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