i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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