I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
