Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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