dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
