sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I looked at my own cervix.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
