In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the liver wants what the liver wants
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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